Empty Days

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Holy smokes

There is of course no point in whining about what one's life has come to and such. But not to whine would mean accepting things at their current best - and I am out smokes just now.

Some people of my persuasion descend into hopeless addiction - drugs, drink, gaming. I am not quite there yet and I do not believe I ever will be [*]. Addiction is just another means of extending a failed life far into the darkmost absurdity. I am prone to addiction because I am prone to failure. It has been my experience that failure requires constant justification. This is perhaps the most wantonly demanding mode of existence - to always be on the lookout for reasons to endure the obviously doomed. Clearly, addiction is one mighty effective way to avoid that grueling inner court. The accused has nothing to say, has lost interest in the proceedings, please continue while I sleep. Basically, this is a substitute for regular madness. Faking Hamlet is a pale idea, playing Ophelia is not exactly a choice. What remains? Oh yes, the ghost.

All this is very far from any sort of philosophy of life. Stating a state of mind and nothing else. On the other hand, this is perhaps what philosophy really comes down to - derived verities set in stone. Pessimistic, optimistic, lucid, exultant, deluded, reasoned... And zeitgeist too. One is always stuck in one's own times and places. The great river of things etc. I too shall pass - what a relief.

***

Sure, there are other ways, always are. Lord is my shepherd, carpe diem, the great dao and more. Everything might make sense at some point and just as easily fall to pieces. History is so rich in bits of wisdom it's almost too much. "The more I know the less I understand". Meaning is a form of ignorance predicated on belief. A dismal rock in the ocean - something to cling to. Lose your grip and everything melts into utter chaos. Stating my state I shall built a raft upon the bottomless sea. Not truth, a raft. Or go down. What greater Titanics there are to board?

[ Amended: * I forgot cowardice... ]





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