Empty Days

Monday, October 27, 2003

Illusionary disillusions

I don't expect I am ever going to make sense but I must try.
What to do when faced with bigotry? 1. Flee the scene. 2. Get mad. 3. See your own crap for what it is. 4. Act on your current convictions regardless. 5. Be kind. 6. Doubt everything. 7. Mock the bastards 8. Shut up and die.

David Letterman is waging a war against Dr.Phil of the Oprah lore. When I first caught a glimpse of Dr.Phil I thought I was dreaming - a flying pig giving advice to the lost and the tearful? Shortly after Letterman began his nightly crusade against the pig. He noticed the great tearful country was being fooled and he took up arms. Letterman is of course a wise coward - being on national network will do this to you. You can't take it to Bush so you take it to Phil. Who wants my crap? Here, you get it.

I wish there were someone somewhere visible who could take it to Letterman. Or to me. Or to you. Where is it? Where is the flying crap? I wish I could believe in God like I used to. I wish I were naive and happy. I wish I did not presume so much. I wish I were called to account for my lies and my good. I wish I were elected to the helm of whatever country I live in and see for myself that I can't do it. Stupidity that I despise and secretly live by, where are you?

Only once did it come close enough. Summer 1995, the Balkan war. Fall of Srebrenica and the slaughter of about 7,000 men and boys stuck there with women and kids under UN protection. It only took 4-5 days. The whole drama - siege, fall, slaughter. The media were positively screaming their lungs out: send the fucking jets! Nops, NATO bureaucracy, too much paperwork to process. Sorry.
Millions have marched against war-in-Iraq, had ample time to march, and still it wasn't enough. So I guess back in '95 there wasn't much anybody could do. A lone bosniac put up a makeshift stand near the subway station - "save Srebrenica", sign here. I walked by every day and I didn't sign. Useless guilt. I think this event was particularly traumatizing. When Rwanda came about I didn't give a fuck - why cry over something I can't change in any case? Let it happen. Let it be. Fuck it forever, including the twin towers. Too bad it's so bad.

Infos, in case you haven't heard. During the blitzkrieg on Afghanistan, local allies from the North took prisoner about 2,000 Talibans. Rounded them up in an empty place, then were ordered to send them to a prison manned by locals and americans special forces. How? In large freight containers. Drilled holes for air. Packed them tight. After a day riding through the desert half of the occupants died from suffocation. The loads arrived and were turned away. Orders - shoot them all. No, american special forces guys did not do it. They just turned a blind eye. And so will I, and so will I.

It's not really about politics, or americans or whatever. It's about me in the world, and the world in me. Alas.





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