Empty Days

Thursday, October 23, 2003

suicide and Suicide

Seven days... a suicidal anti-depression blog. Which started me thinking.

Let's say I have a severely suicidal father (I do) and let's say I have a friend who's planning a third and definitive attempt (I do). Now, let's say I once had a neighbour who's offed herself (I did) and I still live in the same goddamn building (I do).

With all this, I am myself "not a successful member of society" prone to bad spells of self-loathing also known as *depressive episodes*. Ha-ha. Of course, the thought has occurred to me, many a time even.
But it's just fancy. In fact, when these things get bad I actually stop communicating including kicking the net-habit then and there. So. If I were to take a step further in that direction it would not happen in words but in utter muteness.

Discussion of suicide is a survival tactics. True suicidal thinking happens somewhere below the surface, quite beyond words and even consciousness. Whatever action surfaces thereafter is the product of this underground thinking. Is there such a thing as destiny? That would be it - things happening despite oneself.

[ P.S. falls in nicely with this previous entry on Evelyn Waugh ]





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