Empty Days

Monday, November 03, 2003

Rotating the rot

A second-hand quote from working-with-words blog:

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost. -- Thomas Merton

And what about happiness then? I suppose it's the exact replica of the above, set in brighter colors - tasting the yummy luxury of knowing yourself to be on top of the world. Haha. The lucky thing is, you don't exactly need to obsess about the cause of such a wonderful feeling - and who cares if that too is nothing but a big lump of mindless self-love. So I'd say all things are good while they're good - and if they turn bad when they're bad, it's kind of too late to complain.

The thing about help is not really revelatory either. Part of being happy etc is to feel connected, so of course you gladly jump on whatever falls into your lap (or is thrown there out of sheer generosity - Salvation Army bin, indeed). That sure doesn't work that way when you're out of it for good. That's when you start obsessing about what sent you spinning out of the orbit - you were such a glorious piece of trash revolving there with other happy trash, and now you're out of it all, in your very own garbage can, and it's kinda lonely there. Must be self-love really :-0

Nihilism is for losers, there's no disputing *that*. One problem with nihilists is that they come to see the whole big world as a giant trash-can. Being part of it is not really all that appealing all of a sudden. Massive help to get back in there is not really required. So what do you do when your view is obscured by powerful visions of trash and rot? Basically, you need a way to reassert yourself as being something tiny-wee less rotful than the rest. That's when navel-gazing becomes a powerful tool of survival - until you get so high on it, it kills you. Some more trash wasted. No big deal.





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