Empty Days

Tuesday, February 03, 2004



I guess some of my pages here were skipped by Google because I can't find the most obvious stuff with it. Fortunately, some other engines are still spidering this blog - like the Waypath for example. The only problem is: it gives the date it spidered a certain post but the link points to the main page of the blog, so you have to look for yourself, somewhere around the date indicated. And it doesn't give you access to the cached pages - like Google does - and this is unfortunate, to say the least. Ah well, at least it goes on spidering stuff.

***

Had an online conversation with a friend and it was bleak. Intensely depressing. I don't know who was more depressing - I or he. Suppose two people pit their philosophies one against the other - but whatever the philosophy, the true situation is still the same: what can you possibly say to somebody who keeps saying he finds no joy in life while doing all the myriad things that life requires? Is being busy with life the purpose of life? Maybe. Or not. Sometimes an expression of hope-amidst-pessimism is deceptive: it may mean not hope but rather a refusal to admit to despair. Which in turn means despair is working at you while you pretend it's all fine-and-dandy. This never goes away on its own. I think he's reduced to waiting for something to hit him hard enough and jolt him out of this perpetual estrangement. He still thinks he can pull himself out of this on his own. In my case this "do-it-yourself" mode has proven an illusion - and I've tried.

The only question is: how long can you wait? At some point the death-wish comes too close to the surface.

Somebody once said the the key to all happiness consists in taking a cold shower every morning. While this sounds minimalist, it certainly reveals one fundamental truth: that this is what answers to the questions of life are like.

***

AOL is crashing my puter mercilessly. Maybe this puter will not last very long either. One day I'll get seriously pissed off with cheap hardware and find a new life without personal computers. Or maybe it will signal the end of me. That would be fine too, btw.





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