Empty Days

Wednesday, March 24, 2004



The glaring thing is that I cannot rightfully take credit for anything that happens in my mind. Especially when I feel super-wise - on account of all the times I feel super-stupid. Either way, nothing is to my credit.

All my faults are all mine - and at the same time they're not. There is a measure of profound irresponsability to being that somehow goes hand-in-hand with your actions and reactions, bad and good choices. You are both responsible and unwitting and you can't take credit for anything.

Guilt simply doesn't enter into it - though it does, and how.

I am not sure what's going on all of a sudden (and better not speculate) but at the very surface of things it is nice to finally draw something like this card in the Outcome. Looks good - but we'll see, come what may, and all that.

***

It's also totally great to draw the same major cards from absolutely unrelated decks - talk about coincidence. Once more, I am impressed with the continuity of successive draws: does look very much as if the trumps were morphing from state A to state B to state C etc. In a perfectly chaotic randomness this shouldn't be happening. But maybe such mathematical randomness does not exist anywhere in nature except in our idea of how total chaos should look. Isn't that grand?

I don't think they teach that at school - I guess it'd be too scary to teach that. How scary is it that true chaos should not exist? Terrible!





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