Empty Days

Saturday, March 27, 2004



Serious spring-weather holding on - we're in the +10C here, rainy, misty, damp and wonderful. Last night we had a real London-fog event, very mysterious and cosy.

***

Bad shit. The guy at the Cancer Blog is not doing well at all. If I were a yellow-ass catholic I'd say something lame like "let's pray" and all but I can't lie with a straight face. Every man is trapped in his life and destiny like a poor kitten trapped in a bag and the whole so-called wisdom of the world cannot affect that fact. You can't learn lessons from tragedies and you can't come to grips with the facts of life and death - there's either resignation or pure non-sensical suffering, or both, and most frequently both. You can always sing hymns though.

The mind is not good at grasping basic facts. Buddha was right - and I am not sure what he meant. Let's ditch words for the moment.

***

At Video Meliora there is some usual "drama" of some first-rate catholic ditching his marriage. Ah, the tragedy. Of course the tragedy is thickly coated in so-called "doctrinal worries" about how it's not right. Jesus. I've seen this hypocrisy and the global bitching at close quarters once upon a time - to the point of where the "unfaithful wife" got so paranoid about losing her status as a first-rate christian that she even suspected *me* of going after her on this. Fuck. I had to explain in no uncertain terms that I'd always ditch a doctrine for a human being - was she ever relieved. Not that it cured her though - her new hubby is even more orthodox than her old crowd and she's again the queen of all doctrines - got a new start in a faraway country. Yeah, religion is about status - in case you never figured that out.

***

There are other things but I'll postpone.

One thing I have to learn everyday (because there is a mechanism that wants me to forget) is that it is important to speak your own mind exactly as it is - especially when it's filled with supposed silliness. Trying to be smart ruins the truth. The only guiding light is truth - the one that is not found in words of wisdom.

The greatest error is to seek reflected understanding. Which I do all the time regardless - but it bears no fruit, which is a good thing because it reminds me.

Oftentimes that truth is actually that silliness.





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