Empty Days

Thursday, July 22, 2004



Crimes and misdemeanors.

I should update my chronology - the drive for delinquency has started with that throwing of a pile of dirty dishes out of the window. I felt the pleasure of actually executing a perfectly silly, unreasonable and reprehensible act. Logic: once the idea occurs, it has to arrive.

It is conceivable that, had I not allowed myself to so dispose of the dishes, I would not have acted on my desire to actually seek out cyanide, or on my desire to exert revenge through vandalism. As a result of all this I now know that the next time I want to kill myself, I will actually take the necessary steps - or the next time that I need to exercise revenge, I will not hesitate.

I hope this progression continues, as I definitely prefer this state of affairs to the doubtful disposition I've been prone to, more through education than character. Eric Hoffer supplies a nice quip:
"Indeed it seems that frustration stems chiefly from an inability to act, and that the most poignantly frustrated are those whose talents and temperament equip them ideally for a life of action but are condemned by circumstances to rust away in idleness. How else explain the surprising fact that the Lenins, Trotskys, Mussolinis and Hitlers who spent the best part of their lives talking their heads off in cafes and meetings reveal themselves suddenly as the most able and tireless men of action of their time?" [III.14.98.]
Heh. Is that "poignant"? Maybe.

What I find particularly congenial about the Unabomber is that he actually did what he had to do. The fact that what he had to do was essentially monstruous is another matter - he still had to do it, regardless of his own hesitations. People are possessed by their own will. Whence such or such will arises is never entirely clear.

Can you really "explain" Hitler? Psychologists propose lame interpretations. In the end it's still vague thinkers like Hegel or Schopenhauer who nail it best: one's will is an inspiration.





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