Empty Days

Sunday, July 18, 2004



Self-mastery.

Of course I realize that as long as I am unable to get over my hate towards a certain object, no matter what I do I can't possibly achieve victory over it - after all, emotions are a mental representation. Not being able to get away or control one's own mental representations is the beginning and the end of the whole problem.

Of course the alternative to fighting mental representation is to remove the triggering object itself - which is not really feasible if the object happens to be human.

***

One strategy would be to obliterate the importance of the object by diverting attention or putting radically unrelated fixations in the forefront. But to achieve that I would need to discover why this object was allowed to acquire such importance in the first place. I suspect fear is a factor - even though retaliation is logically unlikely, the intense animosity acts as an equivalent.

The totality of reasons goes far beyond the object itself. In a way it's a synthetic fixation - it represents a whole host of other such objects in the past and the intensity of emotion is nurrished by this accumulated anger.

The feeling of powerlessness is accumulated and disproportionate to the object. Even if I performed repeated actions of violence against it, it would not quench the anger - nothing short of complete obliteration or removal from sight would do it. Best policy remains to avoid too much exposure and when such occurs just live through whatever attending emotion and hope it will lessen with time.

***

This is the essence of violence. If you are trained all your life long to refrain from violence, you will necessarily build up a mighty store of unrelieved anger. What's more, your training is based on fear - another's and your own violence is perceived as fearsome. And fear is the basis of all powerlessness which is the essence of humiliation.

Therefore, liberation from fear and powerlessness implies liberation from fear of violence - both in receiving and in inflicting violence. Then, whenever you are threatened you know you have it in you to retaliate. It doesn't even matter what level of violence is implied - because you know nothing will stop you from giving it back.

All these are psycho-games we play on ourselves. When you hear a do-gooder preach peace and forgiveness, stop to think that forgiveness is only real from a position of force.





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