Empty Days

Tuesday, August 03, 2004



Are all dreams one single dream?

.It turns out that I keep dreaming the same thing essentially over and over again - the landscape of the dream is what the dream is made of: in dreams events and landscape are the same thing - it is only in day-time reality that we believe that being in Paris is different from being in Cairo, and it does feel different, but the dreamworld knows better and the dreamlands, for all their apparent diversity, represent being per se. That's what dreams are always about: being.

I woke up early today (was probably waken up by somebody else's alarm-radio blasting through the open window), so early in fact that I sort of collapsed after a bit and slept some more - and dreamed ferociously and violently.

Now that I am back in day-light state I realize that I've just continued in the same dream from this night (dead kids). Events were all different but the landscape... Aha - the landscape told me it was the same dream. And what's more, I realized that all the dreams I can remember from past months have exhibited the same pattern (or landscape - because it's the same thing): I am walking in the "backyards" (sometimes of great city buildings, sometimes behind some countryside dwellings, sometimes luscious villa-like gardens, or mountains around some town etc) and there are alleys or paths going in different directions, crisscrossing, and I am always engaged in this intense, all-important quest for the "right" path - because I never know which of the alleys leads where, and whether I am allowed to go there, whether it is a dead-end or something else etc. The intensity of this search-walking is incredible. I always end up in some sort of all-important situation - it can be an intense meeting with some people, it can be walking through a pile of dead corpses, it can be finding myself in a mind-bogglingly beautiful garden (of Eden, no less), it can be getting hopelessly desperately lost (where upon I usually wake up, there is never anything after the realization of a dead-end)... It's all the same dream - or the same game - played out over and over again. The landscapes are only seemingly different: in fact it's always the same thing, only changed (fuck: what a perfect metaphor for life).

But the most important is the search and the paths - the incessant, driven, directionless walking that happens in my dreams, even though the intensity of inter-personal relations that surround all this appears as the focus of the dream - but I might say that the swarming human emotion is the more conscious logos-like part of dreaming; the real meaning is hidden in the pattern (landscape) where it all happens.

Even in my few dreams about Wittgenstein last december (heh, I was impressed) there was this most intense search-walking pattern.

But it's practically useless to analyze dreams. It's like analyzing everything about one's life - no matter how you try there is still too much rolled up into one single rolling-stone: yourself, your life. And it's all fucking meaningless - no matter what those wise ones want you to believe.





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