Empty Days

Wednesday, August 11, 2004



Fuck it.

Yesterday we had a huge thunderstom starting late afternoon and going well into the night - the electricity was knocked out momentarily when the lightening strikes and thunder were at their most ferocious, it made for a Frankenstein moment when total darkness was sharply illuminated by nothing but brief shots of lightnening. Meantime the rain was beating the hell out of everything, saturating all things with water. My cat hid in the deepest closet - it was so loud outside.

I liked it a lot - even though it shut down my computer and made me lose whatever shit I was typing at the time.

This evening we are supposedly due for another suchlike performance of natural forces, but the day has been mostly sunny and hazy so far.

*

I feel really lousy - not wanting to bother with anything. Small things are often enough to put me out of tune. Yesterday I went to refund that "junior" sleeping bag I bought from a department store for lack of a more affordable variety - I could never use it in any case. The clerks at the store gave me a hard time with it, and at this point I am so fed up with these fucking stores and having to hunt for supplies, that I feel like forgetting about this whole idea altogether.

And so, fuck it - the lot of it.

*

To alleviate my bad mood I am again reading Ken Kifer's Bike Pages. This guy lived in a town the whole of which was as big as the borough I live in - 20sq km, population 8,500 in 2001, exactly the same size even. This is so ridiculous. Of course he could ride out into the country all the time, it was way too easy and the most natural thing to do. I live in a city as large as Chicago and of course it's a royal pain in the ass to attempt to get out of it - it may not be quite as bad as NYC but it's bad enough: it's a big metropolitan area and growing larger every year.

This is a small-town guy speaking, because he can actually walk out of his town in the first place. It'd be pure hell to try to "walk" out of a large city and this statement makes no real sense to me:
The whole world is right outside the front door. We don't need to have money or methods to see it. I rode a bike, but I could have walked.
I wish it did make sense though - my preferred movie scene ever is Forrest Gump taking off directly from his front-porch and running for three years thereon - *avoiding* all those fucking big cities on the way as if they didn't exist.

Anyway - it's no use complaining, it's just the way it is and blah-blah.

*

Btw, the philippino carwash is out of the picture for good. The environment is extremely peaceful again and nobody is getting on my nerves except my own fucked-up mind. Thank you very much.





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