Empty Days

Tuesday, September 07, 2004



Ladida.

One thing I learned about the abyss between men and women is that no amount of philosophy or whatever unrelated talk can overcome mutual tendency to fall into that abyss. What's more, no amount of geographical distance can overcome it either - people keep falling in love online, just from chatting, without even seeing each other. I gotta be mindful of this somehow but I usually can't prevent feelings developping. I already fell in love over the internet once and it was a big problem rather than big joy - I hope it never happens again though. Heh.

I am not a cold person in general - so the emotional element is really "dangerous" here because it gets under the skin quite easily. People open up, I open up - and then... boom. It'd be quite perfect if I weren't such a loon in general - I am quite convinced I can't live with another person, be it for love or just roommating.

Maybe it's just due to terrific lack of socialization throughout most of my life. Or maybe it's just the way I am - a solo traveller by nature.

Once I and my father went to a chinese restaurant where they have those fortune-telling cookies - well, his biscuit said that "joy prolongs life" which was kind of opportune because he's indeed a pretty vivacious joyful person despite all his woes; and my biscuit gave me "eternal walking on the road" or something like that. Could hardly have been more precise as a description.

I think once I reach the full realization of my mode of life I will start having sex again - but I won't sacrifice any of my liberty for a mere relationship. People do that all the time and are willing to accept all the limitations of a companionship. For me it's simply not worth it - not yet at least.





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