Empty Days

Monday, September 27, 2004



Othala.

I keep drawing this enigmatic rune and it tells me: back off, find your true ground, back off, keep to your roots, to what is familiar. I've been drawing it every single fucking day for the past week if not more - well, maybe not every day, but those few days when I had the runes of fire and light (kenaz, sol, dagaz) were short-lived to say the least.

Ah shit - I am not saying I understand anything here - quite the contrary in fact - but it's a pretty good measure of my stupidity, or the current state of my affairs which is best defined as wanton dissipation and inability to find anything to stand on. That's how I interpret it - I can't interpret beyond my understanding in any case.

The most succint definition I found so far is this (supplemented by a lot of blah-blah from other sources):

OTHALA: Retreat, Roots
Charging headlong into impossibility is foolish. Circumstances now arise in which strategic withdrawal and timely assessment of your inner resources are the right actions. Rely now on your "fastnesses:" friends, family, power places, familiar spiritual practice. This is the Rune of REGROUPING.

Who said "foolish"? Regrouping is a very keen word here - the fact is something doesn't let me budge, this something sitting somewhere pretty deep inside myself and telling me I am being a fool. I agree, I agree, I agree - where do I need to look though?

Another meaning for this are the reasons of procrastination. As a matter of fact, when you're being particularly "lazy" about some glorious project, it usually means something is not right somewhere, some ends are sticking out. Overshooting your true state or something like that. I vividly remember how and when I finally took the decision to ride off into the sunset - it felt so right, so perfect, so precise - and there were no specific reasons for it to feel that way. And yet - things had matured, came into focus, I took off like an arrow from a bow strung to full force.

What can I explain here? Can I really explain all that has been holding me back for so long, for so many years, for that one month in a short summer, for that period of time in my totally incomprehensible life? or maybe even the appeal and the meaning of what I was trying to achieve or overcome, the why of it? No, fuck, I can't.

My "familiar spiritual practice" is blogging - heh, I am not kidding.

As to "power places" I fucking have none!





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