Empty Days

Thursday, September 09, 2004



Rain.

Finally the bad weather set in so I don't have to get all frustrated about not going anywhere. The rain is cold and nasty, not at all an appealing prospect for being out there somewhere in the open... On the other hand, there is some satisfaction in braving natural hardships - much of the unpleasantness is compensated by this abnormal feeling.

Bad weather isolates - maybe that's why depressed folks love it so much rather than sun and clear skies. It's not so much that it suits one's mood, it's rather that it takes away that hopelessly frustrated wish to participate in the world. Who wants to participate in anything with nasty cold rain in it? Heh.

As they like to say out there: there is no such thing as bad weather, there is only bad clothing. Very true indeed. If I had something warm and simultaneously truly waterproof to put on my back, I'd feel like a king and I could care less if the skies are low and earth is a mess. I've seen some photos on a cycling group where the guy toured Alaska in winter - on a bike, in real deep snow. Don't know how he did it, but apparently it went very well :-0
The bike in the snow looks pretty impressive - it's also true that it was some very special bike indeed.

That's basically why I was worrying so much about shoes and getting wet feet when it's cold. Heh - it's not a pleasant feeling. If I go again soon I will certainly have to deal with that factor somehow. My sleeping bag would be a blast if I could double it with yet another similar sleeping bag - the two together would make for a hot stove. Ah, dreams. Anyway - I will have to disregard all this once again.

*

Online chatting has proved a waste of time - as it normally does - and I think I am using it too much as a way of escaping my immediate situation. I wish I could move to another place but I don't know how to find it and so feel stuck - and so escape. The usual thing. I feel I need to change something quite drastically inside my head but I am not finding any will to do that - I resist change instead of trying to further it somehow.

This has been my usual pattern for longer than I can remember, and it's very hard to imagine how this could be otherwise. Perhaps even if I went to the moon and back, just the mere fact of returning would put me back in my usual rut. Perhaps I just can't really change on my own, that's all.





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