Empty Days

Monday, September 20, 2004



Resentment, by F.N.

From an essay called "How to drop out":
This is the low-budget universe: I ride around the city on an old cheap road bike, in street clothes, often hauling food I've just pulled out of a dumpster. Sometimes I'll be on a trail where I'll invariably be passed by people on thousand dollar bikes in racing outfits. Why are they riding around if they're not carrying anything? And why are they in such a hurry?
Ok - this is not right, man. As long as you keep being upset by people on their thousand-dollar bikes you're not out of the scheme yet - you're hanging off it like some pathetic bundle of worries and you can't see past the comfy life out there. I know well how this is a problem - being secretly envious of things others have, while pretending (being "convinced") you don't need them. Heh. Gimme a break, please. Once you're truly out of it you'll love these people - you'll bless their naive gullibility because you're finally free from it yourself.

Not yet though - you're not. Hold on on the preaching, man.

I also ride around the city on an old cheap road bike and all that. And I know I am not out of it because I still wish sometimes I had a lighter faster bike to go farther etc etc etc. And I also wish I had more money to go by sometimes. And I wish I didn't have to live in this crappy area and be dependent on a thousand unpleasant things like landlord and welfare and what not. You're right - freedom starts in the head. Well - stop pointing out to how others are wrong and how you're so right etc. That's not the way, man.





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