Empty Days

Saturday, September 25, 2004



Speaking sedentary.

Surviving to myself is pretty much the more constant state with me - I wish I rather had to survive to catastrophs and terrible or banal disasters instead of this tedious unending effort.

Imagery: Tantalus reaching for the fruit - forever and ever, in vain. Hunger and drought. Watching distant constellations from a city street flooded with dull electric light. Leaving a party before wine is served. Amnesia.

I walked a thousand miles and barely moved one step - how's that possible? No matter - it just is.

*

The turbulent nagging feeling somewhere in the solar plexus is the physical manifestation of this state - I do regret that our civilization completely denies the fact that this turbulence in the body, all these mighty waves rocking the boat on the inside, are directly sitted in reason - and that mind and passion and humours or shakras or god knows what else are all one and the same. Our latest stupidity re this emerged with Descartes - who was simply able to express it more clearly - but it's been there for so long it's a shame to think of it.

The inability to accept the unity of mind and body is the founding principle of western civilization - Socrates be damned, as he was nothing but a more complete Descartes, expressing and glorifying this fundamental stupidity, dancing on the grave of being. Nietzsche was perfectly right to call him an ugly difformed dwarf (or something worse, heh) - redeeming lack of life with denial of life.

Can't get away from this, ever.

*

All those half-baked dwarfs out there with their big brainy heads. What a picture! Yet it's our world. Bill Gates is a bastardized applied version of Socrates. Warts and all - eat it.

*

But let us suppose "gods" have willed it this way - in which case my laments are nothing but erruptions of bad humours. And so they are indeed - ask F.N., heh.

*

I am waiting - for clouds to pass, for mind to spring back to life, for hope to arise in some yet another absurd form. I'll take whatever comes by - if I can reach for it from where I sit.





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