Empty Days

Monday, September 13, 2004



Watch your step (sign in subway cars).

Contact is too easy on the internet - it is always false for that reason.

Chatting pushes some emotional buttons but the one thing to remember is that the whole thing happens between assumed personae - not persons.

Once you meet the prototype face-to-face, you are able to measure the gap. This is a mutual process of course.

Yesterday I went to meet an armenian guy who told me pretty nauseating stories of ethnic wars he's fought in - he also loaded me with inordinate amount of nationalistic talk but I did not protest, since he was willing to die and kill for these ideas many times over. We were both kind to each other and completely unable to create contact. He is entirely hidden within himself - yet I was still able to glance some of his being: a battered kid and a poet nearly crushed under steely armor of realized will-power. I hope he will find somebody to love him despite this.

I am hidden too - I was not looking for love, I was curious of measuring the gap. We will not meet again due to impossibility of making friends with women within his culture - and my inability to share in his nationalism. Heh.

*

But the inability to make contact is always bitter per se - no matter who with, really. Oftentimes when contact between internet personae is fine, it is better not to destroy it by coming face-to-face too soon - in fact it takes a much longer time on the internet than in person to actually find out who the other is and create a good understanding. It is much harder to peek through the false persona in writing than face-to-face - in live contact people spot out each other immediately, like dogs really. It's an instinctive and precise understanding that reveals all the possibilities or the absence thereof in no time at all.

But that's just a matter of watching your step - internet still affords some communication, no matter how shadowy in essence.





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