Empty Days

Wednesday, October 13, 2004



The moral universe.

My disconnection from my place of dwelling has increased to a state of near-dereliction after that fateful attempt at liberation. It's always been bad enough, now it's even worse. I can't even force myself to do the laundry. This is a bad sign, because it reminds me of that suicidal british penpal who lives in his own house yet hates it so much he doesn't even take the garbage out for months on end. This is as bad as it can get - he told me he can't get to the windows because the mess is piled up so high and wide it'd take a whole week to just make a passage through. It is said that when a cat ceases to groom itself, something is wrong with it. Same for humans. No will to live that's called.

*

Rationally speaking, I should kill myself pretty soon instead of trying to hang on for no good reason at all. Let us be frank here - the value of human life is a very relative notion. The world we live in does not value human life, no matter what it blathers to the contrary - it values human potential and general productivity (the notion of standards of living or quality of life is intimately linked to this basic concept). Being a failure in these terms effectively puts you outside of any human structure. So why bother? Rationally speaking, there is just no reason to. Ergo...

*

It is said that Japan has the highest suicide-rate per capita. Some say it's a myth but I don't think it is - it's statistics. The myth may be about why stats are so high in that department. It is well-known that the japanese have sold their soul to the devil of productivity - perhaps they've always been like that, but it's also possible that in olden days it wasn't such a big problem: because society was less individualistic and quality-of-life oriented. The problem of productivity vs individualism is that one doesn't justify the other. It's too insane to spend your entire life trying to achieve some pre-programmed quality-of-life when you actually hate that life and yourself with it. People need some higher ideals to work themselves to death for - a PC or a TV in every goddam room of your goddam house won't cut it for you, there needs to be a good reason for all that insane effort at reaching the standards. The problem of the japanese is that they've lost that reason - they've sold their national soul to the international demon of money-making. Now their young are killing themselves over it. Why this doesn't happen in the West at nearly the same rate? Because we allow ourselves to slack off and drop out - scores of people drop out instead of just killing themselves and it's even a glorified deed in a way, to be a drop-out. The cult of the marginal and all that shit. The japanese can't get away with that - their culture just won't let them.

*

This is how we see it here in the West - we truly believe the world is supposed to be a moral universe based on moral justice. This vision generates such thoughts as: "why can't i just walk into a hospital and exchange my miserable life for the life of that mother of four who is dying of cancer? Wouldn't that be only fair?"

Of course life is not like that at all, but that's what's in our heads: such moral bullshit.

"Rationally speaking" comes from the same source and follows the same logic - it's a moral logic, as all logic always is - surprisingly enough...





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