Empty Days

Friday, April 01, 2005



Fool's day.

It's April first and a Friday - the last day of a work-week. A perfect setting for all sorts of stupid pranks from pissed-off co-workers.

*

I must admit though that I feel relieved I am going to be free from this particular work-place. I didn't like the main dispatcher and I don't think we could have cooperated well together if I tried to stay at this job. From the go I had a strong intuition about this guy, that he would try to play power-games with me - and he did, no mistake there. I can't tolerate such people and I also know that they don't do it rationally - it's their personality that forces them to behave in this way and they can't stop doing all sorts of nasty little moves to subdue those in their field of control. If this doesn't work, they freak out - since they do it out of personal weakness and all sorts of paranoid fears. Psychology 101. Consequently I don't bear this guy any grudges - I just know I could never have tolerated this sort of thing for very long, and certainly could never trust or rely on him (which is bad - there should be good communication with the dispatcher).

So all in all I feel like I've just escaped from an accidental trap, self-created in some ways but also suggested by chance-circumstances. There was some bad-luck mixed in from the start - but also some great good-luck in other aspects (like the way I managed to avoid any bad weather - even the rain that was announced for tomorrow happened tonight instead, and the only previous rainy day was a holiday for us - that's pure luck here). The bad-luck was announced by the coincidence in time of the onset of another attack of bad-situation with upstairs neighbours and my finding this job on the very same day - as a result I had all the stress in the world at home and very little sleep when I began work. And instead of escape I found even more stress at the job. Thus it was a trap.

In the days leading to my finding this job I had a dream about it - how I would bike from one courier-company to another across downtown looking for work, from the fancier upper streets to the ones below, in the more run-down industrial area, and how I would get hired by a small seedy company with a tyrannical boss and all the difficulties I would have from his attitude etc etc etc. It was a pretty interesting dream - it described entrappement in a bad situation. And that's just what happened. I did go from fancier upper companies down to the lower area ones and I did get caught in a small-minded environment with too much over-head, too much personal pressure, and too few bikers to find any outlook. But the dream was not really a nightmare and this job was not a nightmare either.

And I am glad I am done with it - I am glad I had the experience just as is.





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