Empty Days

Monday, June 06, 2005



The usual before the unusual.

Another major scene at my parents' last night. This time it was my father who decided to grab the occasion and fuck everybody up just for the sake of it. Too long to explain and not really worth it.

Tomorrow I am gone from here and I am already starting to feel some relief. Must be premature - the day is still young.

My hemorroids problem seems to be getting worse, which is to say the tumor in the ass is growing instead of shrinking. Not exactly surprising but at some point this progression will certainly interfere with my life in a spectacular way. It's less of a problem when I am biking than when I am walking. I guess I will miss my bike a lot in Russia. I just hope I won't have to sit home at my cousin's and not be able to go anywhere.

*

It's really nice to go somewhere where people want you and expect you. Which is one reason friends and relatives are important. Outside of these few sympathies and various blood ties the whole world could care less about one's existence. It's an empty place. When one is full of energy and zest, it seems easy to fill the desert with one's own vitality. Which is why young people are usually so optimistic about taking on the world. Things change gradually - there is less and less energy and more and more wounds from life. And that's when one realizes how important those human ties are and how not so easy it is to find real sympathy amongst countless strangers.





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