Empty Days

Tuesday, September 06, 2005



Dead by day.

Predictably, I did not find the meaning of life in the course of my latest travels. Nevertheless, it was not a stupid touristy trip. I had some experiences that put me on to something new - the kind of thing you can never invent on your own, it has to happen for you to know it actually can happen.

That's what a new perspective is all about, I guess.

I have great news for you, lost peoples of the modern world - there is still some actual Living Spirit visiting upon the churches of Russia. To my immense surprise, the first time I set foot into a small russian church during lithurgical service, I was suddenly overcome by tears - and I only opened the door to take a peek! My touristy bus was leaving in 5 minutes, but it so happened that I went in right during the holy communion, the church was full of old women, the priest just raised the cup with a strange remote look on his face... I can't describe what there was in that church, but it completely blasted me right then and there.

What happened next is that almost every time I went to church after that, I had that same overwhelming emotion but only during lithurgical service - inability to contain tears - which was kinda embarassing in the beginning. I can't really say anything specific about all this except that through these and concurrent happenings I was given a very small but tangible insight into what may be called life of the Spirit.

***

It would serve us well to remember that, as things go in this world, we simply have no notion left (except in stale words of some religious pamphlet) that any such life may even exist. As things stand, it's enough for me to have had an unthinking experience of its very possibility - even though I still have no clue about the wider context or where it may and may not lead. I don't know what Holy Communion is really about - I am not even sure I believe in Christ - perhaps it doesn't even matter - at this stage it's enough to have a clear idea that there is something out there, a great unknown depth that may or may not want to reveal itself.

Because of the religious rebirth in Russia, they publish a lot of writings of the byzantian and russian monks who try to explain their inner doing - I bought as many books as I could cary. It's a kind of psychology - but as opposed to modern psychology, it actually has meaning.





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